she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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