my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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