i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
