If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
