R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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