remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
