I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
