good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You may now shotgun with the bride
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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