Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
