Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
