just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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