chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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