I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
