you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
4 words: hood of his car
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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