Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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