I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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