dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
