time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
