there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
