did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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