My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
