Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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