I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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