dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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