What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Enjoy the penises
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
