I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize