You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
