Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
