The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
