So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
