I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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