final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
