i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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