just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
