Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think I sprained my soul last night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
