My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
