It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
