It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
