I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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