Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
