I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
