he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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