I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
