i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
