when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
