dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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