I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
