like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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