just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
