so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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