6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
