This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
