How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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