just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize