so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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