On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
