is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize