My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
