Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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