There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
