I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
