you traded sex for a burrito?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
