ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
