What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
